My Honest Postpartum Story

Motherhood has been the greatest dream of my life, and now I get to wake up every day living that dream. This is my honest postpartum experience: the emotional moments, healing, and the love that has filled my heart since welcoming our sweet boy, Elliott.

The Moment My Life Changed Forever

For me, giving birth to Elliott was that moment. For years I dreamed about becoming a mom. It wasn't just something I hoped would happen someday--it was something my heart wanted deeply.

I imagined what my baby would look like, what it would feel like to hold him, and what motherhood would be like. Then one day, the baby I had spent months talking to, and loving before I had even met him, I finally got to hold my son in my arms. Nothing could have prepared me for that feeling.

I remember looking at him and thinking, "you're really here. You're finally here. You're so precious!" The love I felt was immediate. Holding Elliott for the very first time is something I'll never forget. In that instant, everything felt different and my heart grew in ways I never knew were possible.

The First Week: A Roller Coaster of Emotions

The first week after giving birth was the most emotional week I have ever experienced. Before becoming a mom, I had heard about postpartum emotions, but I don't think you can truly understand them until you experience them yourself. My hormones were changing so quickly, and my emotions seemed to be all over the place. I could cry over the smallest things, feel overwhelmed, and then be smiling again a bit after.

I also experienced some anxiety during those first days. My mind was constantly going, and I wanted to make sure I was doing everything right.

I remember the first or second night we were home, I was sleeping when suddenly I heard a loud bang. I instantly woke up and I blurted out "is everything okay?" I immediately panicked. My heart started racing, and I needed to know that everything was okay. My husband told me everything was fine and that he had just bumped into the coffee table. I immediately felt myself calm down.

Looking back, that moment showed me how much my mindset had already changed. I wasn't only thinking about myself anymore. I was now a mom, and my brain was constantly aware of our baby and everything around me. That protective feeling came so naturally.

It also showed me that my emotions being all over the place and the anxiety was only temporary and I'm grateful I got through that.

The Breastfeeding Journey I Didn't Expect

One part of my postpartum journey that was especially emotional for me was breastfeeding. Before Elliott was born, breastfeeding was something I wanted so badly. Throughout my entire pregnancy, I spent so much time reading about it, learning about it, and preparing myself. But my journey didn’t go the way I had planned.

After I gave birth, I only had about fifteen minutes with Elliott before he had to go to the NICU. Although I was able to visit him and try to breastfeed, because of the circumstances, he had already been given formula through a bottle because that was what he needed at the time. When we tried breastfeeding, he would latch and then unlatch. We would try again and continued to do so when we got home but the same thing would happen. Eventually, he became frustrated, and I became discouraged too.

I wanted it to work so badly but since breastfeeding wasn’t working, I decided to pump instead. I pumped every three hours—during the day and even throughout the night. Even when I was exhausted, I kept going because I wanted to provide breast milk for our baby. For a while, things were going well.

I was able to get enough milk for about two bottles during each pumping session, and I felt hopeful. Then one day, my supply started dropping. I kept hoping the next pumping session would be different. I told myself maybe the next time would be better, maybe tomorrow would be different. But each time, I was still producing only a small amount.

I cried a lot during that time. I felt heartbroken, guilty, and disappointed. I questioned myself and wondered why my body wasn’t doing what I hoped it would do. I had pictured breastfeeding throughout my entire pregnancy, and letting go of that experience felt like grieving something I had dreamed about. But eventually, I had to remind myself: I did everything I could.

I tried. I showed up every three hours. I kept going even when it was emotionally difficult. I gave my baby everything I had. And I am proud of that.

I still have moments where I wish things had gone differently, and I think it’s okay to acknowledge that. It’s okay to grieve the experience you hoped for while still being thankful for the experience you have. Because the truth is, Elliott is fed. He is healthy. He is growing. He is happy.

Formula is still feeding my baby, and what matters most is that he is cared for and loved. I’ve also learned that the bond I dreamed about wasn’t taken away. It just looks different than I imagined. It’s still in the feedings, and in the cuddles. It’s in the way he looks at me and in the comfort he finds in my arms. It’s in every moment we share together.

The Support That Meant Everything

Throughout my postpartum journey, my husband has been my biggest source of support. During the moments when I felt overwhelmed, discouraged, or questioned myself, he was always there to remind me that I was doing an amazing job.

On the days when I felt emotional or overwhelmed, he was always there to comfort me, encourage me, and remind me that I was doing the best I could. Whether it was taking care of Elliott so I could rest for a little while, making me laugh when I needed it most, or simply being there to listen, his love and support helped me through some of my hardest moments.

Watching him become a dad has been one of the greatest gifts. Seeing the way he loves Elliott, cares for him, and does everything he can for our little family has made me love him even more. I truly couldn't have asked for a better partner to share this journey with, and I feel so grateful that Elliott has such an incredible father.

My Physical Recovery After Birth

While the emotional side of postpartum was more challenging for me, I feel very grateful that my physical recovery went well. I was definitely sore after giving birth, and my body needed time to heal. The burning sensation when I would pee during those first days was probably one of the most uncomfortable parts, but thankfully, it improved as I continued recovering. One thing that helped me so much was using a peri bottle. It made those early bathroom trips much more comfortable and it was something I was thankful to have.

I was amazed at how well my body healed. Giving birth is such an incredible thing, and it reminded me how strong our bodies truly are. My body brought Elliott into the world, and even while it was healing, it was still allowing me to care for him and enjoy those precious first moments together.

Learning to Trust Myself as a Mom

Becoming a first-time mom comes with so many unknowns. At first, I questioned myself often. Was he eating enough? Was he comfortable? Was I doing things right?

Slowly, I started learning that motherhood isn’t about being perfect. It’s about learning your baby, trusting yourself, and taking things one day at a time. Every day with Elliott teaches me something new. I’m learning his little sounds, his different cries, routines, and all the tiny things that make him who he is.

The Joy of Motherhood

People have told me that I seem to be handling postpartum well, and honestly, I feel that way too. After those first emotional days, I found myself settling into motherhood and feeling happier than I ever imagined. I love spending my days with Elliott.

Whether we're cuddling, napping, or looking into each other's eyes, every moment feels precious.

I love seeing his little personality grow and every little moment we share. The days may look simple to someone else, but to me, they are filled with memories I will treasure forever.

Looking Ahead

This is only the beginning of our journey together. I know there will be new milestones, challenges, and memories waiting for us. I'm excited to watch Elliott grow, to cheer him on through every stage of life, and to continue growing as a mom alongside him.

Final Thoughts

Postpartum looks different for everyone, and every mother's story is unique. My experience has included emotions being all over the place, healing, anxiety, endless cuddles, and more love than I ever imagined possible.

To any new mom reading this: be patient with yourself. Give yourself grace and remember that you're doing better than you think.

As for me, I'm soaking in every smile, cuddle, and every precious moment with our sweet boy. Becoming Elliott's mom has been the greatest gift of my life, and I can't wait to see where this beautiful journey takes us.